Meredith Gutshall Studio Seven

oh how i love the dougherty's

2011-08-03T11:00:00.005-05:00

laughter, take me as i am, serve, generosity, affection- all thoughts i have when it comes to these friends. i've loved them for a long time and am constantly grateful for who they are.

when i got to julie's house we all just sat around for a while waiting for everyone to congregate and i said "it's amazing how your children all look so different." she said, "and they all act so different". 4 kids, not a one of them alike. but watch them as they come together, they become this force. they know each other, like really know each other, and push the right buttons. when i'm with them i want to be one of them. brilliant, beautiful, kind, and not too proud. they are sophistiated but without pretense.

julie, angela, jenny, matt, and drew. i've loved watching them all grow, change, yet to the core remain. now there's lavern, carter, and alex mixing it up right along with them.

thanks for allowing me to call you friends.

fabric

2011-08-01T14:43:00.004-05:00

they ride by my house sometimes.
i’ll be sitting at my desk, thinking, writing, editing, and zoom, there they go. one will pass and I know it won’t be long before the other clips into their bike and follows. i’ve watched them. i watched them when i was three years old; work on projects in the back yard, cheer at races, kiss every time they met. i’m sure they’ve had ups and downs, that’s just marriage. but there is a richness about them, i guess that’s cultivated by hard times, suffering, joy, failure, success, done hand in hand. there is an affection, appreciation, and respect that i remember in the midst of my own marriage.

they never had babies, but they have more kids than anyone i know. in fact, i’m one of them. chris was the first person to tell me about finding life by living for God. i call him my spiritual father, but sometimes he’s been an earthly one too. in fact he has shared with me that he feels he has so much understanding of God, the Father’s, heart and that’s why he’s often reduced to tears in the middle of conversation about a person he loves. it leaves me awestruck. he taught me to pray, she taught me to be tough, he taught me to connect with people i photograph, she taught me to explore.

when thinking about people that have played a part in forming me, the patterson’s make up much of that fabric. when I was little, they lived two doors down, now, they live 6 up. they pour into the lives of my children in the same way they did me. i’m grateful.

teach me how to dougie

2011-06-20T15:36:00.006-05:00

if i think really hard, i have this memory of my childhood friends in my basement. we were dancing to some madonna song, my memory fails me, with ice-cream sugar cones taped to our chest in an attempt to replicate her coned bustier. (remember that one?) embarrassing? yes. but more than that a sweet sweet memory of having fun with reckless abandon. not the kind of fun that makes you sick and regretful in the morning, but the kind of fun that i wish more people would let themselves have.

these girls; holly, claire, elizabeth, gabby, and olivia gave me some life. lately i'm caught up in diapers, discipline, lullabies, laundry, and well, life. don't get me wrong, it's good stuff! but, every once in a while it sure is good to dance like a moron and laugh with the others that are doing it right along side.

for holly's birthday all she wanted was a photo shoot with her girls. we did it right with hair, makeup, snacks, music, and in the end great photos! i adore holly and her sweet mama, mary. and now i love her friends!

their stylists fixing fly-aways- love it

can't you just hear holly? whoa whoa whoa, MOM!

the other fun part was that two of my very best friends, natalie and becky, were there. thanks becky, for teaching us how to dougie......

energized

2011-06-15T16:29:00.002-05:00

and this is why. more to come, but let me just tell you that i haven't laughed so hard in a long time. and it's all thanks to a group of 12 year old girls.

two years later

2011-06-14T22:24:00.005-05:00

two years ago they said forever. i was there. standing in the back with the camera up to my face i cried and cried. tears of joy of course, because i really was so happy for them. we spent their two year anniversary together, and added one to the party. little addison. her eyes of brown, gummy smile, and infectious laughter.

i'm so emotional thinking of the next two years, and the two after that. what will their little family be up to? whatever it is, i hope i'm around to capture it for them.

holy holy holy

2011-04-22T09:56:00.010-05:00

last night my sunday school class hosted a prayer and worship service on some land set aside to build a new church. last night was maundy thursday, the night before Jesus was crucified. i've been reading the gospels; matthew, mark, luke, and john and the accounts of the last days of Jesus and finding all the significance of that night. the last supper, washing of the disciples feet, Jesus praying in the garden, and his betrayal and arrest- deeply personal, reflective acts.

our class wanted to offer a gift to our friends, family, and church; the opportunity to come to a quiet place and come face to face with our own inequities and our need for the Jesus on the cross. we wanted to ponder what it must have been like on that thursday before Jesus was crucified and ultimately rose from death.

as we sang, wrote confessions, prayed, meditated, took Communion, were blessed, and washed feet it rained and subsided, rained and subsided. it was dark, cloudy, and solemn. the weather fit the darkness that was coming when Jesus was crucified. my sweet jessica was singing "my sin held you there" and i sang out "Jesus" and the rain came upon us, hard. while we cried out our brokenness it felt like we were being washed clean. it was holy. then the rain cleared away.

sometimes in the day to day i forget what is holy. i get busy, don't stop and look. i wrap myself in what seems so important; and leave behind what is holy. when i don't stop and invite God to be the center of my life, to pray- to listen. i miss God's blessing.

i don't know who reads my words. i put them out there because i need a place to share my heart. my heart for today is this; ask God his heart for you. be still, but cry out if you need to. life is more than the day to day, Easter is more than bunnies and candy. it's about a God that loves us beyond measure and wants to give us life.

The curtain tore and the saints awoke and the whole earth seemed to tremble, at the fury of God's anger, or was it the fury of His LOVE? - andrew peterson

broo-SKEH-tah

2011-04-15T10:53:00.009-05:00

Bruschetta- there's a K sound people. it's not nearly as annoying as hearing giada de laurentiis (who my son loves) say speghetti, i promise.

one of my goals for 2011 was to learn a new skill. i decided i wanted to learn something new in the kitchen- i LOVE LOVE LOVE to cook for people and wanted to learn some techniques.

my friend carly invited me to a cooking class at bella napoli in brookside. amazing- and well timed, thank you carly klock. if you've not been to bella napoli, go there- you will love it. call and thank me later.

our instructor, alex, showed off his mad kitchen skills starting with bruschetta. he roasted red peppers, which i believe next to hummus are my favorite food- in fact i love them so much i put them in my hummus and eat a whole whole lot of it.

then we made gnocchi! i love gnocchi. (the g is silent friends) boiled potatoes made into a beautiful dough, rolled out, cut into cute little pieces, boiled and devoured by yours truly.

2 sauces- a basic tomato-a-mazing. and brown butter with sage and walnuts. had i no self restraint i would have picked up the bowl and licked the remainder of the sauce- but i'm a lady, sometimes, so i didn't.

i had a great time, met some new friends (including this cool girl) and laughed with old ones.

i've had a lot of coffee this morning-sorry.

what i've been up to

2011-04-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

my sister in law sent me an email a while back and asked if i'd moved my blog. she said she missed my words. i've missed them too.

i hate it when people tell you how busy they are, like we aren't all in the same boat. but over the past 7 months i've made some decisions. like; you can use your towel a couple of times before you need to wash it, then you don't have so many to fold and put away. a little dirt on the floor is good for the soul. and going to bed at 8:30 makes me much happier when midnight, 3, and 6 roll around. so i'm fudging on things. figuring out what i can do right now and what i can't. sometimes that includes finding words.

i'm enjoying really investing time in my family. for the first time i'm not trying to validate myself with a number of blog posts, photo shoots, and calendar entries. i'm trying to figure out what fits, what's worth saving, how to live simply, and what i need to give up.

thought i'd share a little piece of what's been going on.

meeting new friends

playing

trying new foods.....

fixin' feet

celebrating with each other

GROWING!

praying

hope you're having a great day!

good morning friends

2011-04-11T11:06:00.003-05:00

in your busy day, take a minute and pretend you're 4. take a deep breath, do something totally un-adult, let the sun hit your face. think of something incredibly wonderful in your life and say thank you for it.

great indeed

2011-03-31T11:33:00.000-05:00

i called her nothermommie

she smelled like powder; sweet and fresh.

i hear her voice in my head saying "fordbumper, eyewinker, timetinker, nosesmeller, chinchopper, and a giddy giddy goo".

although tiny, she drove a blue ford mavrick with 2 heavy doors, and cloth seats.

she made me mashed potatoes and macaroni and let me wash dishes with the neighbor girl for hours on the front porch.

we rocked and rocked on a glider that clicked every time it went backwards.

she made me a blanket when i was born. sometimes i take it down from the closet, hold it close, and breathe deep; hoping to pull out the love she poured into me. i cut a piece out of the middle that's with her now.

she loved God, and me.

my times with my great grandmother were rare, but i hold them tightly to my chest.

visits with the great b usually are surrounded by an army of gutshalls. we went to visit and spent time in quite. she loves her deacon like my great grandmother loved me. my eyes welled up watching them.

there's nothing quite as beautiful

2011-03-30T10:35:00.007-05:00

as a new mother. if we're not careful we might see only tired eyes from late nights and early mornings. the exhaustion and uncertainty of bringing a tiny little person home to care for. but look closely at her, when the baby is in her arms, she comes alive.

every woman walks into motherhood differently; some with excitement, others fear-stricken, some seem so natural, others a little more anxious. but i've noticed that when everything is striped down and it's just the mother with her baby, it's like this piece that was suppose to be there all along clicks into place and she becomes more herself than she ever was before.

my sweet clare. i've known her for several years but watching her as a mother really was captivating. she's always had such a grace about her, but as a mother her beauty can not be contained.

lynsey's laughter

2010-11-29T21:35:00.006-06:00

life can be hard sometimes. just when we think we're in a rhythm something throws us through a loop. i think parenting adds another level to the crazy. kids are unpredictable, yet we put so much pressure on ourselves when it comes to parenting. watching lynsey and jason with their boys makes me want to stop and refocus.

she laughs. sometimes i get so overwhelmed that i forget that i don't need to take myself so seriously. our kids need to see us laugh, even in the midst of a really hard time, or when we're to the point of frustration. they believe we have the answers. sometime we do, most times we don't. knowing that these little people look to us for affirmation and we are the ones that teach them that this big world is generally a good place makes me re-evaluate where i spend my time and energy.

carson and logan love their mommy and daddy. they believe that they have the answers, they know the right way. it's a big responsibility, being someone's everything, but lynsey and jason are doing everything they can to love these little ones and grow them into good men. at the end of the hard days, when they aren't really sure what next one is going to bring, i hope they know they are good parents to two very important people.

just add kelsey...

2010-11-20T11:32:00.001-06:00

and you're sure to have a good time. she's super high energy, and really funny. i like being around her, because she's just fun. nothings too serious, but she's willing to try anything i ask and will laugh about it. love her.

being yourself

2010-11-12T12:59:00.002-06:00

i love it when people bring friends that are fun to be around. it's more like a party. every once in a while someone shows up with a client and makes them nervous. either they are picking at their hair, facial expression, clothes, or crabby making them a nervous wreck.

i always recommend if you are having your photos done, do your best to not stress out- it will reflect in your photos. look at your photo shoot as a time to not expect perfection, and go with the flow. the best images are the ones that reflect your natural presence, and the more and more you look at them over the years you will realize how much better it was to have captured you as you are- not trying to be something different.

thanks sammie for telling andrea jokes, holding my reflector, and having fun.

details, details

2010-11-06T05:18:00.009-05:00

when i met casey, her family had this beautiful rug in their entry way. on both ends there were tassels, many many tassels. i have this vivid memory of showing up at her house to find her sitting in the entry way with a hair pick, picking the tassels to make sure they were all pointing in the same direction. never in a million years would i have noticed if one was out of place, but casey did.

as she has grown over the past ten years of our friendship i've noticed that the details she is passionate about have shifted from the seen to the unseen. (thank goodness) she is more concerned with the matters of the heart, details of faith, and perfection that is only achieved by admitting you, and life, are not so perfect.

i'm not sure carson would have noticed the tassels. like me, i think he's a big picture kind of guy. but that doesn't mean he's not concerned with certain details, he is. his desire is for casey to be everything that God has called her to be. he longs to see her grow in patience, peace, kindness, gentleness, goodness, and self control, and maybe to not take herself so seriously.

knowing this about my friends, and being with them for the most precious of days, i saw the absolute perfection in the details. sure, the ceremony and reception were unbelievably gorgeous and nothing was out of place, but the relationships these two amazing people have in their lives were really what made it perfect.

a hand to hold

2010-10-18T10:18:00.005-05:00

i love hands. since i was little i remember holding my grandmother's hands, tracing the veins and thinking of the history her hands had seen. i've noticed over the past few years that i'm getting my grandmothers hands. sort of boney, with big veins, long skinny fingers. they are not exactly beautiful hands but i'm proud of them. my grandmother was heavy on my heart at celeste and brian's wedding and when i listened to words celeste had so carefully crafted for the ceremony i couldn't help but get emotional. they paused to look down at their hands, they hands they would hold now and in years from now.

their hands are young now, full of life. they are strong and eager, they bend with ease. their marriage is this way. celeste and brian have so much to look forward to. as they grow together they are going to encounter so much, their physical selves will change, and so will their souls. my hope is that they become more and more like each other, they grow into one. i know it's not popular to talk about losing yourself, giving up autonomy in order to be married, but i think it works best that way. i hope celeste and brian hold hands often and as they look down at them sort of lose track of his and hers and just see ours.

thank you for letting me be part of such a heavenly day.

the first few days

2010-08-27T08:38:00.002-05:00

i want to remember every single detail. every emotion, every thought, the way he looked when our eyes locked for the first time and i fell in love.

our little boy came into the world fast and furious on saturday august 21 at 4:40pm. it was a fierce experience but one i will always treasure and be grateful for how it happened. i prepared for a natural child birth, people sometimes shook their heads as to why i would want to experience pain when there was an option to not feel the intensity of contractions and birth. i never could really answer except to say i just felt like it was something i needed to do. my labor was intense from the start and within two hours brandon was begging me to get in the car, i'm glad i listened. when we arrived at the hospital i thought i was in for several hours of hard labor and decided maybe natural childbirth wasn't a good idea, but i progressed so quickly they didn't have time to do any of the regular procedures much less think about pain medicine and our little boy was born 25 minutes after arriving at the hospital.

we named him grisham wells. grisham is a family name on my side. my grandfather passed away this winter and i had just found out i was pregnant. his mothers maiden name was grisham. at the funeral i sat by my grandfathers cousin and best friend, a good man and someone i've always loved, junior grisham. this sweet precious man that loved my grandfather broke my heart because he was so sincere during our conversation. i decided that would be a great name for a boy. brandon and i talked through names for months never quite agreeing, but on saturday morning before all this began he looked at me and said, i think grisham would be a great name. wells was decided after grisham arrived.

because we didn't know we were having a boy we wanted deacon to be able to be the very first to meet him, and share the news with our families. he came in and was instantly thrilled to have a little brother and even more excited to be a big brother. he shared the news in the waiting room and then came back for a cuddle with me. i couldn't believe how much love i had for this new little person and how i felt so whole holding my boys.

my life looks different now, i'm remembering what it feels like to not sleep for an entire night, how to do things one handed, and how to have a conversation with a three year old over the cries of an infant. these first few days have blown by, sort of like the last three and a half years that i've been deacons mother. but they have been good days. i've had so much support and love from friends, neighbors, and family. my sister came and helped me over the hump of coming home and figuring out how to do it. she let me sit and hold grisham while she did laundry, organized baby clothes, took deacon on dates, and pushed him on the swing for countless turns. she never asked, "what can i do" but humbly looked around for ways to be helpful, i miss her. brandon is learning what it's like to be a daddy to two boys, and i think he is a little more than proud. and i'm just here, feeling really grateful.

counting down

2010-08-06T16:42:00.004-05:00

when someone asks the best time to do maternity photos i always say around 7 months. usually you feel pretty good, but you definitely look pregnant and not just poochy. never do i recommend waiting until you are 9 months pregnant....... do as i say right.

so my sweet sweet friends helped me shoot my maternity photos because they were all worried about it not happening. we were quite a team; mandy held the reflector, natalie posed while i set up the shot and made sure the focus and settings were just how i wanted them, then i slipped into the shot and becky photographed. they were all great at giving feedback on when i looked absolutely ridiculous- this is why i love them.

i've got 3 weeks to go, and i can't wait to meet this new little person! so for fun, i thought i'd post a couple shots. i love these photos because of the memories behind them, i love that i look like me- because i was comfortable. i love that my very best friends helped me do them, and that they made me feel so beyond special. it's such a good lesson to be in front of the camera every so often to realize how uncomfortable it really can be, and how incredible.

things i want to remember
the way this baby constantly moves
how deacon talks to the baby and tells them how sweet they are
brandon's excitement
the day i found out- Christmas eve
picking out fabric for girl or boy and leaving the envelope with the person making the bedding
prenatal yoga with brandon
constant conversations with mandy about nutrition and childbirth
lee voi and feeling like a person not just another pregnant lady
praying for this and friends babies
my sprinkle
people loving this baby before they know anything about it
friends and family doing a million projects because they want to help get ready

things i'd like to forget, or remember so i don't do it to others
being sick
back pain
unsolicited advice
random lady at the airport groping me and telling me all about why i would be having a girl or boy
random people at the grocery store adamant of the baby's gender
heart burn
feeling like a beached whale
people making me feel bad for not wanting to find out the sex- personal choice

walking miles

2010-07-28T12:16:00.005-05:00

there is nothing better than watching first steps. it turns into a party every time. ask a parent about the first time their little one got up the courage to put one foot in front of the other, and they will light up. there is something about that pride that opens a whole door of emotion for me. we all want our kids to succeed, to learn and grow. we do our best to teach them, but in the end we stand on the sidelines cheering the big and small knowing that with each milestone they are growing into the people they were created to be.

i was there when dan and amy took steps toward each other, down a long aisle in a beautiful church. theirs was one of my very first weddings to photograph and still remains one of my favorites. they are beautiful people, the kind that miles will one day look back on with a grateful heart that he was given to them.

the native son takes his bride

2010-07-19T09:37:00.007-05:00

he went away, but he belonged here. he explored, maybe drifted a little, but something was calling him home; her. they knew each other before but when he saw her again something shifted. in a way she was a beacon toward home, the force that pulled him away from the ocean and back to the plaines. their lives were so separate before but watch them, just for a minute, and you will notice they belong here and they belong together.

an incredible thanks to jeni jeppeson with acres of hope photography. she was my second shooter for the ceremony, and a blessing for this very pregnant photographer....

Jeni captured the next two shots, and i just love them too much not to share.

IW Book Club Friends

2010-07-15T23:01:00.001-05:00

it's been three years. every month we come together and share ideas, frustrations, a little bit of gossip, wine, good food, hugs, and lots of laughter. my book club friends aren't stuffy, they aren't so concerned if someone can't even remember the title of the book we were suppose to read (me last night). what we are concerned with is each other.

over the last three years we have shared life together. some of us only see each other that one time during the month, but somehow that's enough. the friendships we have don't require phone calls, or lunch dates. they simply require showing up, giving a hug and way too much information about child birth or some other arbitrary but important topic.

my book club friends might have started as my friends from work that i didn't want to loose touch with, but now they are irreplaceable touch points in my life that make me a better person.

the real deal

2010-07-12T12:52:00.005-05:00

we went out to dinner with with chad and autumn over the weekend and on our way home brandon said "you know what i really like about them, they are the real deal." i like that too. they are who they are, and don't try to be something different depending on the company. people like that make me feel comfortable, if they are okay in their own skin why shouldn't i.

they came to experience the farm last weekend and tyson picked his first ear of corn, counted tractors, and took a gator ride. brooke was content with her gianormous lolly pop. it was a good day.

welcome home michelle

2010-07-10T12:33:00.000-05:00

it's fun when people you really like that moved away come back. michelle is one of my best childhood friend's sister and believe me when i say she's amazing. i was so excited when i heard her family was moving to platte city. i was excited just to have her around, but also because her son rocco is deacon's age, and will be in the same class. they are in the same preschool class now, and i love that i bump into michelle some mornings, her smile always makes my day. i'm grateful to know i'll be seeing that smile as our kids grow.

they built a beautiful new home and i loved getting to spend a morning playing with rocco meeting hank and photographing their little family.

eating words

2010-07-09T12:13:00.001-05:00

i got an email from gina a few days after our shoot, the subject: i'm eating my words. it's okay gina, that's part of being a parent. i'll never have a picky eater, my child won't eat mcdonalds or candy, sleep in my bed, be impolite, scream in target, etc etc etc. all the things we say before we have kids, then they arrive and we realize we don't have nearly as much control as we thought, and sometimes life just happens.

they had a pretty successful time getting little britton to sleep, no passy, sound machine or those other things that help until they aren't there. but after a few sleepless nights those creature comforts came in pretty darn handy. don't worry gina and dan, you're good parents, just be consistent in the things you find really important and you'll be just fine.

meeting needs

2010-07-03T21:14:00.005-05:00

the sweetest gifts are the ones that are unexpected, undeserved, and that weren't asked for. in the last several weeks i've really been thinking about how grateful i am for the kind of friendships that give without question, filling needs that make life better than you ever thought possible. i guess i've been thinking a lot about it, because i've been on the receiving end.

a few weeks ago our sweet friends "broke" into our house and repainted our bedroom. we've just not had the time, or energy to do it and as i get closer to my due date my nesting is starting to intensify. my friend natalie decided she was going to make it happen for us. forget the fact that her husband is in the thick of bar prep, they have an infant and a 3 year old, and tons of other obligations- they decided to bless us. i won't ever forget how that made me feel. we walked in from a weekend out of town to a bright new room, and one less task on our list.

today my little boy was given a gift that made our whole family feel humbled. another set of friends decided to give deacon their incredible wooden clubhouse. we wouldn't have been able to do that for him, and they wanted him to have it. not only did they give him this incredible gift they spent the entire day tearing it down, loading it up, and resetting it in our backyard. other friends volunteered their time, trucks, and trailers to make it happen. i kept saying i felt like i was at a barn raising and i didn't even make a pie. all these people had better things to do, the clubhouse could have been sold, but they decided we were worth it.

i just needed to say thank you to my sweet friends, for making life good for me and my family. because of you, i want to take care of others the way you've taken care of me. thank you. and amy, you're awesome.

how can you bless someone today?

redemption

2010-06-30T13:45:00.013-05:00

one year and one day before their wedding i wrote about mary. i was in awe of her story and what she was clinging to. she knew God had redemption in mind for her, she believed it with everything she had. and there we were a year later, the girl with those beautiful eyes and smile that would melt any heart waiting for her groom. she didn't know it would be him, but God's gift to her came in the form of a faithful man.

God is redemptive, and the things that get messy along the way will be made beautiful in His own time. i suppose nothing is a better picture of that than a wedding. a bride and a groom, with different backgrounds come together and hope that their union will be a blessing. they are bringing everything they've got in hopes of blessing each other and the lives of their family. messy yes, imperfect absolutely, but genuine beyond belief.

nobody cooler

2010-06-28T18:29:00.006-05:00

fourth of july, a camper, a hammock, hunting dogs, a swimming pool, and what seemed like a million barbies. life seemed magical to me at the eggen's house. i loved spending summer afternoons down the street with them. it seemed like a simpler time, and to us it was.

the girls came home to host the final Sandy Eggen memorial walk. their mom, who was kind of like a mom to every kid she ever met, fought breast cancer. she might not have won that fight, but her girls make sure people know how incredible she was. they honor her by funding scholarships. because this was the last walk it was bittersweet, but her foundation is going to continue to bless others, just like she did.

i loved that i got to spend an evening in lawrence photographing these girls i always thought so much of. they are so close and fun, i felt a lot like i did when i was 5, thinking there is nobody cooler.

almost ready

2010-06-11T15:15:00.003-05:00

after 2 years my raspberry plants are finally giving fruit, i guess some things just take time. what are you excited for this summer?

from one extreme to the next

2010-06-07T09:37:00.007-05:00

she's multifaceted, with lots of different interests. so sometimes worlds collide and everything happens in one day- like saturday. we went to st.louis and watched my sweet niece campbell play softball and then rock it out in her dance recital. from tomboy to hip hop queen in less than 2 hours. i was exhausted....but it was fun to spend time with my sister and her family.

i realized a couple of things during the weekend
1. why my coaches in little league were constantly telling me to keep my eye on the ball. see photos 3 and 4
2. deacon is really ready to play ball, see photo 5 with surprised coach and suited up son

7 is the perfect number

2010-06-04T14:11:00.007-05:00

at least that's what i've always believed. i think if you asked deby she would agree. when you're around the billings family you quickly realize they are really for each other. they show up to each others events and cheer, visit each other, make each other stuff. i'm sure they have their fair share of arguments, and moments of distain, but at the end of the day they all pull for each other in a way that makes me want to bottle what they've got and share it with my family.

maybe it's that deby and steve are really good at not worrying too much about what most people stress out about. before we started shooting debi and i had a brief conversation about how you do it. how you make the necessary things happen without loosing sight of the precious relationships with your family. she said that having every single toy in the toy box isn't realistic, especially when your kids are little. what is realistic is spending time with them. i breathed relief, because the pressure i put on myself sometimes is a little out of control, when all i really want to be is the kind of mom that loves my kids without limit, and helps grow them into people that are kind, loving, and take what's given in their life without complaint. branson, duncan, abbey, kenzie, and crystal are all so kind, precious, and unique. they didn't end up that way by accident.

working toward forever: celeste and brian

2010-06-02T13:47:00.006-05:00

she's not into things like registering or picking the perfect flowers. she'd much rather have her friends decide what they want to do than to dictate her wishes on her wedding day. she likes him, and likes when he remembers to write something sweet in a card. he likes her and i imagine that's enough. they aren't conventional, but they aren't unconventional either, and somewhere along the line they decided to spend their lives together.

they are working toward forever, keeping a tally of good and bad salsa, fixing up houses, and just being there. celeste coming home with blankets and dishes from estate sales and brian making her weak in the knees with his smile.

memories

2010-05-31T13:12:00.005-05:00

a time to say thank you to those that struggled to give us freedom to enjoy our amazing country. we celebrated with pie and baseball, water slides and music, with old friends and new, and were grateful for the memories made.

it's a good day

2010-05-28T16:57:00.004-05:00

playing at the park, lunch out of a paper sack, and the ice cream man. yup, it's a good day.

authentic love

2010-05-25T13:46:00.000-05:00

love happens in so many forms. lying with a crying toddler rubbing their back, at the end of your rope, praying for just a little reprieve. holding your grandmothers hand across a table because neither of you fit in. driving a hundred miles out of your way to say hello. tears in the airport. passion. anger. all of it. but the love i've found to be the most raw, is the love that comes with commitment to God. when we are truly honoring God in our lives we live outside our will, we become something we never thought possible, we do things not because they feel good but because they will serve others. we draw near to what he whispers and cling to his promises. i'm not saying it's easy, or perfect. it's certainly not something that is easily explained or embraced by others that aren't walking that path, and sometimes it seems like it would be better to just do what feels good at the time. i'm under the impression that while God loves to see our delight, he isn't necessary concerned with what is easy.

i met casey when she was a sophomore in high school. i was her young life leader and she wanted nothing more than to follow God in an authentic way. i have gotten to see her walk through high school, college, and nursing school; always hopeful that she was loving others before herself. we have had countless conversations about love. she stood with me when i married brandon, and she hoped one day to be a wife, a mother. she carefully waited, for carson. and he carefully waited for her. they have prayerfully considered each other, and it is not by the desire to be together that they are getting married, it is their desire to please God.

marriage isn't easy. it's just not. there is a constant battle of wills, wants, and desires that often bring the married to a cross roads. we wonder what happened to the romance, the closeness, when it felt easy. my hope for casey and carson, and for myself is that we will look to the promise we have made to God first and to remember why we choose this path. to not look at happiness, but instead holiness. and the blesses do come, in a way we could not even imagine.

and just to prove that life and photoshoots are never perfect, i leave you with this image

country chic: barrett and courtney

2010-05-24T14:31:00.008-05:00

she said she wanted to enjoy her friends and family. she wanted simple things, like lemonade and pasta salad. mostly she wanted to focus on the day and barrett, not the details that sometime overwhelm a wedding day. so they decided to get married in a field on the family farm. hidden away they said i do, surrounded only by their immediate families, all standing in support of this new commitment. words were brief with a sweet serenade and hugs all around.

although courtney wanted to keep the the reception in her back yard a fun, low key event it was beautiful. small details made her guests feel welcome, and surprised with the unexpected. from the candy bar, to the band it felt the way i always expect from kentucky, i suppose it's that southern charm that you either have or you don't.

it's grits

2010-05-17T15:18:00.003-05:00

yup, all over my floor, my stairs, my couch, everywhere. last week was an out of control business week. i just needed 5 minutes to order some photos and answer emails. so i set up a "dry sensory" for deacon on his little table with dry grits, measuring cups, different containers etc. we do this a lot with beans, noodles, rice, and such, and he loves it. but i've never done grits. and never again. he thought grits looked more like snow, and to his credit they do. all over everything. so now he's a master of the vacuum, and i expect a big thank you note from his wife one day.....

a sweet reunion

2010-05-11T13:00:00.000-05:00

i have missed them so much. i have had people in my life that i've lost touch with but some just sting a little more than others. with nick and robin reconnecting couldn't be sweeter. as i photographed them my heart hurt because i realized how much i have missed my old friends. now that they have moved back to the area i couldn't be more excited.

robin and i swam together in high school. she was amazing; i just tried to stay in her bubbles. being around her made me better. i think nick thinks the same thing, for reasons more important than sprint speed.

nobody has ever made me laugh like nick. i spent a lot of time with him and his family when i was in high school. in fact, my first camera came from nick's dad, jeff. he bought a new camera and had an old minolta he passed on to me. i cherished it. i still do. sometimes i get it out to feel the heft of it, and hear the familiar shutter click that i miss from time to time. just like missing them.

i'm so grateful to be shooting nick and robins wedding this summer and getting the chance to catch up with my old friends. i am so excited for them and their life together. and selfishly i'm excited to have them in my life again!

the happiest of babies

2010-05-10T15:01:00.005-05:00

when i photographed zach and diane's maternity session, i noted that she laughed at everything zach said. laughter was part of their world, daily. i guess beckett is a quick study because he was laughing when he walked in the door. sure i'd like to take the credit for these amazing smiles, and the look of pure joy on his face, but i can't. he's just that happy!

cowboy boots and piggy tails

2010-05-09T15:39:00.000-05:00

all the things a mom should be, she is. she knows how to have fun with maddie, but still lays down the law when she needs to. she makes sure her piggy tails are perfect, but doesn't get too uptight if her 2 year old sweetie decides not to wear what was planned. she's the kind of mom i like to be around and i couldn't help but smile thinking about how becoming a mother really does change your life.

a little blessing

2010-05-08T15:17:00.000-05:00

little ava is their special girl. it's obvious. sure most parents, good ones anyway, think their children are precious and could not imagine any other child in their world but that one. they love her like it's going out of style.

i had a conversation with a friend the other night about what it's like being pregnant with a child and learning your baby isn't going to be just like other babies. she doesn't have any children yet, and asked how you get over knowing your child isn't what you thought it would be. i think most of us expect perfection at first, 10 fingers and 10 toes. potential to be the first female president, or cure cancer. but really when you meet your child, even if not everything is exactly what you expected you can't imagine it any other way. and the more they are in your life the more upset you become at yourself and others for thinking it should be any other way, that somehow you should have control over the life you were given. and the blessing becomes less about perfection and more about the bond in your relationship through the things that weren't perfect at all.

on being original

2010-05-06T16:42:00.000-05:00

the west bottoms is always a fun place to photograph people. so many crazy textures, and odd locations. it's funny that photographers go there for something different, but every time i shoot there i see tons of other photographers. i can't help but laugh at how cliche it is. except for when i photographed michaela. as we drove around shooting we saw photographers shooting what appeared to be s&m scenes. both of us with our jaws on the floor couldn't stop laughing and coming up with what we thought they were up to. thankfully it didn't deter us from getting these really fun shots, michaela is a photographer as well which made it so fun to collaborate!

writing a story of their own: mike and kate

2010-04-07T12:32:00.008-05:00

a weekend in paradise. that's really what it was. it was like an ancient wedding, where people came to support a new couple and celebrated for days. we celebrated mike and kate. we celebrated not only them as a couple but them as individuals. their family and best of friends followed them to the spot Ernest Hemingway wrote classics to write a new chapter in their lives, to connect with each other and support the decision they made.

i am fortunate enough to shoot weddings. these days i get to be more selective in determining if i'm a good fit for the couple. i have to connect with them in some special way, or i don't feel good about being the one to capture such an intimate experience. it's more than a job, a paycheck, it's a memory that i get to share. i believe in mike and kate, i have since i met them. and as i grow to know them more my heart swells with excitement for their future.

kate is a hard shell to crack, and maybe that's why i want i love her more. her quiet nature and brilliant mind were intimidating to me for the longest time. but as i watch her the intensity sort of melts and i see this woman that is so beyond beautiful. her heart cares intensely for the people closest to her, and those on the outskirts of her heart probably won't get undeserved attention. if you are loved by kate consider yourself blessed. mike has married someone so externally strong and yet so very tender that as he brushes a hair from her face i see why he was the one that cracked through to her heart. in regards to independence he lacks nothing. he is quick on his feet, intense, and has worked hard to hone his mind, yet he needs her. he needs her to need him, to rely on his kind gestures, and gentle touch.

congratulations mike and kate, what an amazing experience to be part of you committing to forever.

the hunt

2010-04-06T13:19:00.005-05:00

i love new environments, showing up in places i've never shot and having to figure out what will work the best is always inspiring. for kelsey's shoot, she and her dad had already scouted around to find spots they liked. it was fun hunting with them and trying to imagine what they had in mind. it's always fun to collaborate. we found some places along the way, used some of their spots, and i introduced them to some of mine.

here's to new beginnings, lots of them

2010-04-03T12:48:00.001-05:00

i photographed dan and ginas wedding a couple of years ago. they are the most gracious, caring couple and i felt honored to be part of such an important and incredible union.

fast forward and here we are, gina making leaps of faith to teach to kids in which english is not their native tongue and dan being stretched to find what he is truly designed to do. if you asked them last summer where they would be just a couple of months later they would probably just tell you it was in God's hands. and it has been. gina resigned a steady teaching position and dans position at a big accounting firm was eliminated like so many others. scary times, but they feel blessed because they trusted that there were big things in store for them. and there are, like starting a new a family, in a new home.

our vision for their maternity session was outdoor but the rain changed our plans and rather than shoot in the studio i went to the home they were getting ready to move into. lots of projects wrapping up, but the empty space soon to be filled with baby gear and furniture was a nice change from the norm.

being with friends

2010-04-02T09:03:00.005-05:00

i say it all the time, but my favorite shoots are the ones that feel like hanging out with friends. natural smiles just happen because of good conversation, everyone relaxes and it becomes just as much about the experience as the final shots. that was easy with the taylors. just being in their world, eating dinner with them, talking on the couch, and catching up on life made picking up my camera feel like a logical next step. and that makes me love these photographs even more.

when was the last time you laughed this hard?

2010-04-01T07:54:00.000-05:00

maybe you should call your best friends, the ones that don't let you take yourself too seriously, and have a night out.
happy april fools day!

thinking about key west

2010-03-31T10:38:00.008-05:00

and wishing i could have stayed longer.

i photographed mike and kate's wedding in key west a week ago. we were there from friday night to sunday afternoon; enough to make me want more. let me just say, if you haven't been to key west, you really should put it on your list. nice people, pretty weather, beautiful sights, small enough to ride a bike everywhere, and delicious food- can't ask for more. (more on mike and kate's amazing wedding soon)

quick trip to tulsa

2010-03-30T12:11:00.006-05:00

i like to travel. i especially like road trips. i especially love road trips with deacon. he's been traveling with me since he was just a couple of weeks old and really loves the road. he never complains, just hops in his car seat and off we go. i'd rather travel with him than with most adults. we play i spy, talk about everything under the sun, look at roadside wonders, listen to hip hop- and talk radio, and if we see something that sparks our interest, we stop.

i've been trying to see my friends in tulsa since september when austin was born, but somehow work and then having pregnancy sickness put the kabosh on my plans. somehow the stars aligned and deacon and i made it to see our friends, and meet a new one. a quick trip but well worth it to snuggle a baby, take some photos, eat greasy food, read a book or two, and take a solid car nap.

i realize i look more frightening than excited in this picture, but i was really into it.

although deacon isn't much of a hugger, he really warmed to addison.

carter likes cows..

2010-03-27T17:20:00.005-05:00

...and other farm animals too. his first birthday party was farmed themed and if i know his mother, it was amazing. we had fun playing in the wide open, pretending to be farmers for the afternoon.

it's beyond me the experiences one has in the first year of life; growing at an unbelievable rate, scooting-crawling-standing-walking, getting teeth, forming language, learning what food tastes like, learning to trust, and there's that whole birth experience. it really is amazing we ever make it. i pretty much think after all that you deserve to get a whole cake to yourself, and yes if you want to smash it into your hair, more power to you.

carters first photo shoot
http://meredithgutshall.blogspot.com/2009/05/generations.html

friends at a distance

2010-03-25T09:02:00.001-05:00

my friend morgan is precious to me. we went through our first pregnancies together and i've always admired her confidence and the way people seem to want to be just like her. i've grown to love her family over the years, her husband is just as incredible as she is and langley makes me melt. they moved back to their home town this winter, and i'm so sad knowing she's not close but love that she is home with her new baby boy, torsten.

they came for a quick visit last week to see her best friend that just had a little guy too. normally during an infant shoot it's all about the baby. but i love that morgan makes such an effort to make langley feel like she plays just as important of a role in taking care of him and loving him that she does. especially love the honesty of langley, her 3 year old personality totally present.

chasing and being chased

2010-03-23T20:41:00.004-05:00

these are the nights i live for.

tuesday mornings

2010-03-22T12:43:00.000-05:00

some people go into a marriage hopeful of the wedding day, something they've spent their forever thinking of. some people go into a marriage hopeful that the one they chose will never change, that life will be exactly what it is now. yet there are those few that will take each day as it comes. knowing that things won't always be the same, that the fairy tale does in fact have an ending but that doesn't mean life isn't just as exciting when there is nothing in particular going on.

i heard it said that in a marriage anyone can make it through the good times, and the hard times might make life uncomfortable but the true test is the tuesday morning when nothing is particularly good nor bad. i think ben and sadie will hang to those tuesdays like they mean something, because they are being done together. at the end of their life together i have a feeling they will look at each other as they would look into a mirror and will honestly say they enjoyed the ride mostly for the tuesday mornings.

sweet baby bird

2010-03-16T16:36:00.004-05:00

he doesn't understand social graces and language comes in the form of screams and cries. we might look at him as though he has so much to learn, even so much potential. i think in him is a wisdom we lose as we grow. he understands what he needs and will cry until he gets it.

i don't do that. i rely on myself until i'm so frustrated i give up, and then i cry, to myself. i try to hide my dark places, the things i struggle with even though they are probably pretty visible to most. how much better would it be to be honest? to openly admit, i'm not enough on my own. to understand my brokenness, and be okay with it. i'm not sure when it happens, but i hope for jack he can cling to the wisdom of his infant days. this sweet baby bird.

what he is

2010-03-15T15:32:00.001-05:00

i'm sure he's a lot of things beyond his deep set eyes and crooked smile. i'm sure he has more up his sleeve than he shared with me, but when i asked zach three words to describe himself he thought for just a moment and said, outgoing, respectful, and funny. if someone asked me the same question, i'm not sure how i would answer. it seems like a loaded question. ask me on tuesday and the answer just might change by friday. but not zach, he was so confident in his answer.

outgoing and funny seemed like pretty normal high school responses, but i was taken back by respectful. what made him answer with that word? why was this character trait important to a guy that has the world at his fingertips? i can't answer for sure, but something tells me that he's had some influential people in his life share just how important respecting others is. and something tells me that he has had the character to believe and follow their leadership.

because he said it, i paid attention. and he was respectful! i have nothing against cell phones, but because i was introduced to this technology when it was the size of a duffle bag i don't understand it becoming like an appendage. not once did he take call, text, or play with his phone during our shoot. in fact, i never saw it until i was helping him carry his stuff to his truck and it was in the seat. it might seem like a silly thing to notice, but it meant a lot to me. i guess it's the little things that add up to character, and he's got it.

three little monkeys and baby drew

2010-03-06T14:32:00.006-06:00

drew, born the youngest of 4. three older sisters, beautiful sisters. i can only imagine how popular he's going to be as his sisters reach high school age.

abbey and nick might seem to have their hands full, but they parent like pros and are on top of their game like nobody i've ever seen. some people might cringe when you ask if their very young kids could jump on the bed, but not them. they seem to take everything in stride and their life oozes order. every time i'm around them i leave wondering, how do they do it!

a sesame seed...

2010-02-23T13:42:00.004-06:00

...that's what size it was only a few weeks ago when i found out, today it's more like a medium shrimp. my baby. the precious little person i've been praying for, hoping for. 13 weeks and growing so quickly, so fiercely, that i find myself sick more than not. but i have perspective. i have a grateful heart.

when you get married usually the first question people ask is, "when are you going to have a baby?" i guess it's a way to make conversation. when your child is of a certain age the second question comes, "when are you going to have another baby? don't you think your son needs a sibling?" again simple conversation that was probably said with the most innocent of intentions. but sometimes people don't think that those simple conversation starters might be a huge source of pain and discouragement for the people they are asking.

finding out about this baby was in someways bittersweet. with my first i was concerned for myself, my baby, my joy. with this one i am more aware of my friends my family that have desperately been trying to conceive and just can't. we've walked through tests, tears, and countless months of waiting only to find disappointment at the other end. so why after so long am i the one? why are my friends and sweet family that would be better parents than i could imagine not able to fulfill a dream they've had their whole life? i can't answer it. but again i have perspective. i am beyond grateful to know that i have life growing inside of me, and that i have been given the most amazing of gifts.

if you have them, hug your kids today, even if they are being naughty. and praise God that He let you be the one to raise them.

we forgive you

2010-02-08T14:45:00.003-06:00

when you become a mother, you quickly learn not to worry so much about little messes. sometimes you become a dumping ground for all sorts of bodily functions; you wipe it off and move on. i remember once deacon spit up all over my face and hair, barely hitting his hands. someone trying to be helpful rushed over to clean up his hands. it was a pivotal moment.

amber was so excited about six month pictures of her precious macallen. at six months babies just like to be naked, it's a fun time to capture those rolls, and chubby cheeks! i wanted to make sure and capture some fun shots of them together, the problem with shooting a six month old sans diaper is, in amber's case, pee pee down your back.

snow angels

2010-02-05T14:05:00.000-06:00

sometimes it's hard to remember. we get frustrated that it's cold, and messy. that the trip to the grocery store turns into a giant mess of dirty sludge in our floorboards. but if we just stop and forget that we're busy, it's fun to remember the magic of snow. the way the biggest fattest flakes felt as they melted against your tongue when you lifted your face to heaven. running as fast as you could through soft powder. the individuality of it all. sometimes i forget the simplest gifts are sometimes the sweetest.

it was fun to remember with these little angels.

new life

2010-02-01T16:03:00.004-06:00

when a new life takes its first breath, it's like the world stops. just for as long as that breath flows in and back out, then the clock ticks again. when deacon was born i remember him looking straight into my eyes like he was very sure of who i was. he looked wise.

i've waited with her. i held her hand when they weren't sure if his heartbeat would be found. i've prayed over and over for this baby, this mother. for months, i watched from the sidelines, hoping she would be okay. today i was there to see the miracle.

my heart broke with her pain, and i worried while we waited for him to arrive into that first breath. and when he did, time stopped. jack. he looked wise, calm and sure, why wouldn't he be.

congratulations ben and natalie. he really is God's greatest gift.

tobacco leaves

2010-01-21T09:10:00.000-06:00

sometimes i think about dying. mostly what it's like to come to the end of life and realize it. will i feel like my life was well lived? will i regret or will i embrace my days.

i sat and watched him. the man that i've loved my whole life but not known especially well. his skin like yellow crape paper covering a man that had the temper of a bull but a heart of gold. now more introspective he looked at me and said "maybe i've just been here too long"

i traveled all the way to kentucky to tell him a story of gratitude. of one moment in my life that still stings my heart because i knew that my grandfather loved me more than i could ever imagine. the one thing i wanted him to know before it was too late.

i moved away when i was three. i have one memory of living in kentucky, but i have so many memories of him in the summers i spent on the farm. of the way the dairy smelled, driving tractors, bee stings by the pond, macuricomb on cuts, a shared birthday and the way the tobacco leaves looked hanging in the black barn. but mostly his belly laugh. he laughed so hard when he told stories. and so many stories were in his mind, i always think about how his life seemed so much like a movie.

i left the house and went in a tail spin. 2 days later i landed at my husbands grandparents to celebrate thanksgiving but i wasn't particularly thankful in that moment. i was hurt that i had to live so far from him. i felt disconnected and bitter. my grandfather was dying and i just wanted to be with him. i wanted to be in kentucky, i wanted to ask him hard questions and not feel awkward. but caught somewhere else i just sat inside my head and hoped for another chance.

he was so sick and my heart hurt for him and what he must have thought while he sat and looked out that window. this man that was once so strong, full of opinions, quiet.

he passed away this morning and as i collect my things to start my trip i'm holding on to those memories of how much he loved me. i know that if the purpose of life is to make a difference to someone else, he lived well.

just part of the family

2010-01-20T11:33:00.005-06:00

she's laid back, i can almost hear the thoughts that play in her mind. "okay so i'm new at this mom stuff, sure i'm overwhelmed but can handle it, it won't break me."

i've always felt that when you introduce a new person to your family, they should come alongside what you're already up to. teaching the little one along the way what you're all about rather than changing life to suddenly circulate them. it's okay to travel with an infant, or feed a toddler sushi, and not turn your home into kid extravaganza with the latest and greatest gadget. (sometimes mine just happens to be deaconland) granted i realize everyone is different and some people will completely disagree with my opinion, but lara and ben seem to take the same approach. they love her, cuddle her, tell her she's precious but books and art outweigh plastic and novelties in their home. norah is coming into a world full of opportunity. the opportunity she has is the gift of parents expecting her to grow to her potential, and will help her find what that is.

for the love of a child

2010-01-16T11:00:00.000-06:00

i wish all kiddos were loved like he is. you can see the light in their eyes when they look at him. his quirks are endearing and always will be. of course they didn't know what he would be like when he was born, but they instantly loved him anyway and now that he's been in their world for a year they couldn't imagine another little person to fill that spot. he's it. they know him inside out and wouldn't trade any of it.

just say yes

2010-01-14T10:19:00.000-06:00

shes young, she's beautiful, she's so much fun. i loved shooting lani because she was willing to go with it, no matter what it was. she wore my clothes, her clothes, and even sweater that belonged to brandon's grandfather that i just happened to have in my trunk. i love how these images feel so free, stylized without feeling overdone or like she was acting, because she wasn't.

american girls

2010-01-07T17:10:00.006-06:00

it's fitting to post these baby dolls after a post about my sister. every time i'm around them i think they are my sister and me about 25 years ago. i love watching charleys wild abandon, funny faces, and laughter. i look for my sister in kaylas beauty, sincerity, and self preservation.

they are completely all-american. kind, fun, loyal, and have a beauty that surpasses good genes. unafraid to risk getting a smidge of dusty on their fur coats and play on an old country road, i love these girls.