the first few days

i want to remember every single detail. every emotion, every thought, the way he looked when our eyes locked for the first time and i fell in love.

our little boy came into the world fast and furious on saturday august 21 at 4:40pm. it was a fierce experience but one i will always treasure and be grateful for how it happened. i prepared for a natural child birth, people sometimes shook their heads as to why i would want to experience pain when there was an option to not feel the intensity of contractions and birth. i never could really answer except to say i just felt like it was something i needed to do. my labor was intense from the start and within two hours brandon was begging me to get in the car, i'm glad i listened. when we arrived at the hospital i thought i was in for several hours of hard labor and decided maybe natural childbirth wasn't a good idea, but i progressed so quickly they didn't have time to do any of the regular procedures much less think about pain medicine and our little boy was born 25 minutes after arriving at the hospital.

we named him grisham wells. grisham is a family name on my side. my grandfather passed away this winter and i had just found out i was pregnant. his mothers maiden name was grisham. at the funeral i sat by my grandfathers cousin and best friend, a good man and someone i've always loved, junior grisham. this sweet precious man that loved my grandfather broke my heart because he was so sincere during our conversation. i decided that would be a great name for a boy. brandon and i talked through names for months never quite agreeing, but on saturday morning before all this began he looked at me and said, i think grisham would be a great name. wells was decided after grisham arrived.

because we didn't know we were having a boy we wanted deacon to be able to be the very first to meet him, and share the news with our families. he came in and was instantly thrilled to have a little brother and even more excited to be a big brother. he shared the news in the waiting room and then came back for a cuddle with me. i couldn't believe how much love i had for this new little person and how i felt so whole holding my boys.

my life looks different now, i'm remembering what it feels like to not sleep for an entire night, how to do things one handed, and how to have a conversation with a three year old over the cries of an infant. these first few days have blown by, sort of like the last three and a half years that i've been deacons mother. but they have been good days. i've had so much support and love from friends, neighbors, and family. my sister came and helped me over the hump of coming home and figuring out how to do it. she let me sit and hold grisham while she did laundry, organized baby clothes, took deacon on dates, and pushed him on the swing for countless turns. she never asked, "what can i do" but humbly looked around for ways to be helpful, i miss her. brandon is learning what it's like to be a daddy to two boys, and i think he is a little more than proud. and i'm just here, feeling really grateful.