a sesame seed...

...that's what size it was only a few weeks ago when i found out, today it's more like a medium shrimp. my baby. the precious little person i've been praying for, hoping for. 13 weeks and growing so quickly, so fiercely, that i find myself sick more than not. but i have perspective. i have a grateful heart.

when you get married usually the first question people ask is, "when are you going to have a baby?" i guess it's a way to make conversation. when your child is of a certain age the second question comes, "when are you going to have another baby? don't you think your son needs a sibling?" again simple conversation that was probably said with the most innocent of intentions. but sometimes people don't think that those simple conversation starters might be a huge source of pain and discouragement for the people they are asking.

finding out about this baby was in someways bittersweet. with my first i was concerned for myself, my baby, my joy. with this one i am more aware of my friends my family that have desperately been trying to conceive and just can't. we've walked through tests, tears, and countless months of waiting only to find disappointment at the other end. so why after so long am i the one? why are my friends and sweet family that would be better parents than i could imagine not able to fulfill a dream they've had their whole life? i can't answer it. but again i have perspective. i am beyond grateful to know that i have life growing inside of me, and that i have been given the most amazing of gifts.

if you have them, hug your kids today, even if they are being naughty. and praise God that He let you be the one to raise them.

we forgive you

when you become a mother, you quickly learn not to worry so much about little messes. sometimes you become a dumping ground for all sorts of bodily functions; you wipe it off and move on. i remember once deacon spit up all over my face and hair, barely hitting his hands. someone trying to be helpful rushed over to clean up his hands. it was a pivotal moment.

amber was so excited about six month pictures of her precious macallen. at six months babies just like to be naked, it's a fun time to capture those rolls, and chubby cheeks! i wanted to make sure and capture some fun shots of them together, the problem with shooting a six month old sans diaper is, in amber's case, pee pee down your back.

snow angels

sometimes it's hard to remember. we get frustrated that it's cold, and messy. that the trip to the grocery store turns into a giant mess of dirty sludge in our floorboards. but if we just stop and forget that we're busy, it's fun to remember the magic of snow. the way the biggest fattest flakes felt as they melted against your tongue when you lifted your face to heaven. running as fast as you could through soft powder. the individuality of it all. sometimes i forget the simplest gifts are sometimes the sweetest.

it was fun to remember with these little angels.

new life

when a new life takes its first breath, it's like the world stops. just for as long as that breath flows in and back out, then the clock ticks again. when deacon was born i remember him looking straight into my eyes like he was very sure of who i was. he looked wise.

i've waited with her. i held her hand when they weren't sure if his heartbeat would be found. i've prayed over and over for this baby, this mother. for months, i watched from the sidelines, hoping she would be okay. today i was there to see the miracle.

my heart broke with her pain, and i worried while we waited for him to arrive into that first breath. and when he did, time stopped. jack. he looked wise, calm and sure, why wouldn't he be.

congratulations ben and natalie. he really is God's greatest gift.